When two groups fight each other over self-expression, they always seem to miss the main issues. They are not preventing harm, nor are they defending the right to truly express themselves. For those fond of using PC language, not only are you limiting self-expression, you're missing the fact that we all will be harmed or offended by different things, within different contexts. The intent is admirable, yet trying to limit these events or contexts, allows us to conveniently forget a very important part of being human, understanding how our actions impact others.
Those that claim they are not speaking hatefully, rather they are merely expressing themselves in a colorful way, would not be wrong if they would first address that they inadvertently hurt someone. If you are being hateful, why not try to understand how the other feels so they understand you are just being expressive, not harmful. In reality, most are not defending their self-expression in those instances, they are defending the right to express their hatred. Which sadly clouds the thoughts of those with good intentions, yes creating a "trigger-free zone" is a fascinating premise. Yet, I can tell you what triggers my anxiety and pain, could be far from what triggers yours. So, how can we create a safe space to gather, without halting all freedom of expression?
A song could set me or you off, a word, a lyric, an image, a scent, there are so many things to trigger bad feelings. It is simply not possible to make a space where those things are gone. Really what people are making, are spaces where they are not insulted, or spoken to in a way that is hateful. Which is a very good idea, yet when we start labeling these things as more complex than they are, we confuse the real issue. This is not about the freedom to be who you are, this is not about taking away freedoms, this is about the way we treat each other.
We can be who we are, so long as people know we are not being that person based on burning hate. People will only know, if you try to understand them, we are always free to be who we are, so long as we do not abuse that freedom. Sadly it is easy to abuse it without knowing. Those who are not truly hateful get caught in the same trap. They forget that even if they meant no hate, no harm, that if they caused it and did not mean to, the right thing to do is to apologize & empathize for making that person feel that way first. When we become defensive it makes it difficult for the other person to trust our intent. If you can make someone feel that you do care, by listening and not simpling dismissing the pain you could have caused, you could then gain the freedom to once again express yourself around that person without fear.
It may seem like a tightrope walk, but it really is not hard to keep the freedom of expression and use it wisely. We would worry less if we simply cared when someone else voiced their displeasure. If a word really caused them pain, you should care enough to find another way to be yourself. If you wish for someone to tolerate the way you wish to be, you must also be understanding of their needs. It seems very simple, yet most do not do it. They want the other person to make the first move, for whatever reason a great many good people simply are holding out. Sadly that may be because they wish for that understanding most of all. Which is what makes such an awful paradox of refusing to understand others, when you yourself require it so deeply.
We should never worry about our expression, so long as we are not expressing pure hate. It is natural to worry how someone may take your words, but the way to deal with that is to understand how your words affected them, then trying to explain your intent and even asking the person what would be a better alternative if one is available. That mere act shows that your intent was not bad, if someone feels hurt you cannot just defend what you did, you have to make them feel you were not out to harm them first. To those that feel that is counterintuitive or does not make sense, not everything about being human is logical or makes sense. Yet, we do know it feels very good when those illogical things are done for us, so why do we constantly deny others of those feelings?
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