We have all felt depressed during one Holiday or another...

The Santa Clause 1994

It is funny before it ever happened, I was watching films about dads and their kids going through divorce. Mrs. Doubtfire seems to be the go-to, but for me, nothing beats The Santa Clause. Maybe it was because more than just being about a Dad trying to be there for his kids, it is about a dad who doesn't know how to be a Dad. Yet, he tries, he never stops trying, and even if it frustrated him to climb in that Sleigh on the roof, he did, because he realized what it meant to his boy. That was the kind of Dad I had, the kind I lost early this year. He was never perfect, and we did fight often. But when you lose something, you then realize what you had. 

Someone who through no fault of his own, simply had no confidence, or training in being a Dad. Scott Calvin in The Santa Clause may have been confident at his work, but not at home, and not at being a dad, and certainly not at the daunting task of being Santa. But, his son, like him, never gave up on him. They had fights, but through it all, they never lost that deep seeded bond that a Father and Son, may not sense till it is far too late.

Luckily even for those who realize such wonders so late, they then discover the hidden treasures inside our minds, the ones we never saw clearly til now, those can break us and build us. But during this time of year, one that for my family meant no matter what, we were together, my Mom and Dad always made sure we spent Christmas together, with my Grandmother there always keeping the spirit of the season alive. Even when she was lost, my father without knowing, made sure every Christmas was special, he did not even see the special things he would do, and never knew how special his ability to make me laugh, to teach me to seek not just his truth or my truth, but the truth. 

He did so much without ever knowing, and now we come to the time of year when he would be driving to spend Christmas week with me. But this time, he won't be coming, this time, no matter how I know he would wish to be here, he cannot be and never will be again. Every little thing that I learned to look forward too after losing a family to divorce, I have now lost again but this time, even when those around me do all they can to make it the best ever, sometimes I'd rather walk off into the sunset like John Wayne at the end of The Searchers. 

Every film, every little bit of me, is because of him. It is scary to realize how much one person shaped you, it is even scarier when you realize you cannot thank them. All the things that kept you going, all the things in life that made it wonderous, were gifts he gave without knowing, or maybe he did, maybe he knew I was so much like him, maybe he shaped me into who he wished he could have been, I will never be able to ask though. By now all of you still reading, must be wondering what this diatribe has to do with the subject. The fact is that so many of us have great reasons to feel low when so many feel so high. The shame is that in a season of giving, a season of caring, no matter what Holiday you celebrate they are all about sharing, giving and receiving love. 

So it saddens me when you see that people have lost the meaning of the season, the reason we overspend, the reason we decorate, the reason we watch so many silly films. It brings us all a little closer together, But if you only care about your clan, if you only care about what your getting, or that one special person, what is the point?

So many this time of year are shamed for being down, or ignored, or maybe a person tries to bring them up for a time, then just as it may start to work, but no one can see or feel it, but the one aching, they are given up on. 

Do not give up, remember that for all the reasons you have to be happy, those could be the reasons that another wishes to walk into oncoming traffic. This may seem dark for the holidays, but there is an upside to this depressing Soapbox. All those memories that break you, can also save you, it is why companies can make so much profit on nostalgia, do not let them disenchant a powerful tool. Thinking of a happier time, to relive those feelings is not wrong, a waste of time, and should be encouraged. Though as mentioned, even those who start doing that, give up when they see the uphill battle they face, helping another person feel, what comes naturally to them. 

We should never give up on another soul, not one that is aching when so many are happy. But the issue is when pain is mistaken for anger, and when people feel as if their acts are not met with gratitufe. But sometimes you cannot show and give back what has been given, sometimes you needed to be though of so much, that your needs being met, not only heals you, but parylyzes you for a time.
So before I go on any longer than truly needed, I will simply say, if this season is about giving, do not stop giving, even if it is rejected, sometimes those do not know how to accept it, or worse they are not in a position to feel they can, for one reason or another.  If you are going to try and be there, no matter what you cannot stop, that does worse than not being there to start. But most of all, during this time of year, I plead with you, if someone seems angry, if someone seems out of sorts, do not give hate, if you can not give love, please give nothing at all, but if you are strong, if you know what is right, give and do not stop.

The Muppet Christmas Carol 1992, a tradition in my family, my dad if you knew him, you would think he watched that? But even though he did so much for me, this was something we always cherished equally, beautiful music, artistry and a story with meaning.