We all need a Hero, Last Action Hero Retrospective

(Video Article)

Like a lot of us, I grew up idolizing the heroes of my favorite films, which made it easy to relate to Last Action Hero. The story of a kid who adores Arnold Schwarzenegger films, and has a totally un-creepy relationship with the owner of a majorly rundown theater a few blocks from his home. One day after having a major case of PTSD related to being held hostage during a home invasion, Danny Madigan returns to his safe space for some totally consensual fun with Nick the Projectionist.

What, it's 2019 and if I didn't mention the fact that a kid is friends with an old guy, well it would be weird, and also it would be downright irresponsible of me. What if I insinuated that it was ok for an adolescent boy to be friends with an older male, what if I did that, well actually, what if? Surely not every older male is out to molest young innocent boys? I mean, I had some older male friends and all they did was offer guidance and friendship. Why did they not rape my little booty hole? Was I not good enough? Or is it that most of the time, people can be good and friendly without horrific intent? Also, I just proved how you can make a rape joke, and not only is it totally ok, it was for a good cause.

Your absolutely right, back to the film. After being gifted this mysterious and supposedly magical ticket, Danny settles in for an advanced screening of the latest Arnie flick, and that's when little Danny gets blown into the film.
Upon being blasted into the "fictional Jack Slater 4", Danny meets his hero, not Arnold, but Jack Slater himself.

Everything that happens in the movie world, is for real, and every character within those worlds has a real life and feels real pain. This is what causes Danny to relate to Jack as more than an action hero, it allows him to see Jack as a father figure. Which is why I've always found Terminator 2 and Last Action Hero compelling, I also find it highly unlikely that telling two very similar stories was unintentional. Now, to prove my point about T2, both films follow young boys at the cusp of manhood, who find father figures in what are essentially artificial life forms, because to those boys they are more present and far more caring than the real deal. Boom! Ok, just to drive the point home a little further here are two quotes, one from Sarah Connor in T2, "Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The terminator, would never stop. It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. And it would die, to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice." And one from Danny and Jack in Last Action Hero, "I'm just an imaginary hero Danny, you have a real life. You're real to me, don't you get it? Your the best thing in... I need you to, to... To be here where you can always find me, I need you to be out there, to believe in me."

While Last Action Hero is an incredible parody of the action hero genre, the reason it holds a special place in so many people's hearts is for the respect and love it has for the audience. We have all escaped to films that made us feel excited, happy, triumphant and inspired, so when you see the child you were, being swept up into the world you adore, you're going to have a good time. I would also like to give a shout out to Arnold for being a father figure to so many of us, being a father must be important to this man, hell, he's the dude who knocked someone up and found a way to be the kid's Dad on the down-low, that deserves hella respect.

I am surprised that out of all the discussions I see on this film, few revolve around Jack and Danny's story. I understand the parody elements are tons of fun, hell they make the film the warm and fuzzy laugh riot that it is, but, I think it is a shame that the film's heart is rarely appreciated in public. How often does a movie star recognize the impact he has on his young viewers? How often do they take on a project just to give their young fans a message of inspiration, love, and appreciation?

I think if he could have found a way, Arnold would have just came to all our houses for a chat and a hug, well, if Kazaam would ever grant my wishes he would have. But to give all of us the fantasy of teaming up with your favorite action hero, to take on the bad guy, get the girl and learn a life lesson or two, well, that's not a bad consolation prize.

Of course, this makes it seem like Last Action Hero was some big hit... It wasn't, it wasn't the bomb that everyone labels it, but, several factors severely hurt the film's reception. First of all, Last Action Hero followed the mammoth critical and commercial success of Terminator 2, secondly, it released the week after one of the biggest films of the '90s, Jurrasic Park. There is also the case of the film's test screenings which went so badly, that the test cards were destroyed and this caused poor word of mouth to spread about the film.

Regardless of the criticism the film faced, many found a thoroughly enjoyable action/comedy that delivered both laughs, and the thrills Arnold films were known for. There were accusations that the film was too long, in the many viewings I've had, I never found a single element out of place. I think whatever happened during those test screenings, the weight of following T2 and, most of all, releasing the week after Jurassic Park was what doomed the film.

Arnold tried to swing in and save the day, he told the producers they should wait four weeks to release the film, they did not listen to Arnie's wisdom and boned themselves. Personally, I would have waited a whole year, which could have solved a few issues. One, they were worried about losing box office during the four-week postponement, so waiting a year meant they could have the time to shine in the spotlight, two, given reports that the film's editing was rushed, and since the film was criticized for being overlong, more editing could not have hurt.

Or, could it have destroyed the film? When so many people adore the film, regardless of what the critics or anyone said, when so many have cherished personal memories of that film, maybe that is all that matters in the end. More tinkering could have crushed the film's heart, they could have tried to be more action or more comedy filled, and thoroughly fucked the film. What? I am allowed one use of the word in a PG-13 film. To be well received and to earn lots of fat cash, or to be adored by many who truly cherish you, that is the question.