Am I a Terrorist or Mentally Ill?
By
@GamerGuy1991
This farce contains very offensive content with themes of terrorism, mass violence, mental illness, and religion you have been warned. If you enjoy humor such as South Park head on in, if you're easily offended back away slowly.
"Rafeek I need to ask you something of great importance." I spoke nervously, if anyone at the camp heard this, they would surely send me on next week's suicide bombing. "Aaqib, what is it my friend?" Rafeek always spoke so warmly, his kindness everytime would put me at such ease. "I was reading on Bicker about the shootings and bombings in America," I looked around the darkened camp cautiously, to make sure only Rafeek would hear my next words. "They are claiming that their terrorists are only mentally ill. See Rafeek any time one them goes nanners and slaughters a fuck ton of infidels for us, they are never labeled terrorists like us." I spoke with a slightly heightened inflection, "It seems only Arabs and Muslims can be considered terrorists?" Rafeek's warm smile faded as he rushed us away to a secluded tent in the back of camp. His voice had never been so quiet as it was when he said, "What is making this subject important to you Aaqib, you never cared for labels before?" I did not expect that question, "Well, most of those acts in America do seem to be motivated by politics or religious beliefs, so I began to question how we are any different?" Rafeek then looked horrified and asked with great worry, "Are you saying we should stop slaughtering infidels?" I admit the thought had crossed my mind, but I assured Rafeek all the same. "Rafeek you know I enjoy killing Infidels just as much as you." Rafeek smiled that same warm smile again, "That is wonderful my friend, so then what exactly is on your mind?" I just had to say it, "I simply questioned how we are different, because well if most terrorists are mentally ill, maybe we are too?" Rafeek then looked both shocked and horrified, he responded while mildly quivering. "I, do not understand" I knew I had to explain deeper, " I just mean, maybe we are not making the best choices, I know our cause is just and righteous, but maybe our methods are not working?" Rafeek looked deep in thought, then his head cocked to the left as if he had a brilliant idea. "Let us go ask Ghazzal, surely he can put your mind at ease." I started to stammer, "No, no, Rafeek he will send me to the depot next week and make me splode..." Rafeek looked at me with a charming grin, "Aaqib, you and I both know we are too valuable to wear those vests." We both laughed and smiled, "Ok Rafeek you are right, let us go talk with Ghazzal." We then left the tent arm in arm, strolling through the mostly empty camp to Ghazzal's private tent. I noticed the camp was totally empty and asked Rafeek, "Where is everyone?" "You forget? Tonight is the premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians." I stopped in my tracks, "Damn, and we are missing it, did you set up the VCR?" Rafeek smiled while dragging me along. "Aaqib, when have we ever missed a second of our beloved Kimmy?" I smile at Rafeek and give in. "I should never have doubted you." We finally reach the entrance of Ghazzal's tent and head in with mild trepidation, Ghazzal greets us with love, "Rafeek, Aaqib, what can I do for my two best commanders?" Rafeek nudged me forward, it was at this moment I realized Rafeek was a bit of an Allah damned coward. I spoke but with great reluctance, "Well, uh, Sir, Ghazzal, I was reading on the Bicker, and I, well I..." Rafeek struck my ribs with his shoulder muttering, "Bloody hell, get the fuck on with it." I begrudgingly spit it out, "Are we mentally ill? Because it seems in America they do not call their terrorists, terrorists. They say they are mentally ill, they even take some of them in alive and with no injuries." I mostly stammered out that response but I could tell Ghazzal heard and was concerned in that fatherly way of his. "That is a wonderful question Aaqib." Rafeek and I looked shocked as I blurted, "It was?" Ghazzal chuckled lovingly as he replied, "Yes, it was." Ghazzal's tone then took on a polite but very comprehensible timbre. "This may be slightly confusing but bear with us. See gentlemen, terrorists are mentally ill, and the mentally ill can be terrorists, but the mentally ill are not always terrorists, however, terrorists are most certainly mentally ill. For example, while I seem caring, I am an absolute sociopath." Rafeek looked dumbfounded, and I was looking no better. "I can see that you are confused," Ghazzal remarked while stroking his long white beard. "There are many forms of mental illness, which is why the blanket term is pretty useless, and just as confusing as thinking that terrorism is anything but what it is so clearly defined as. 'the unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.' Yet the Americans are so obsessed with labels, that they often use them when they are not applicable or often so simple that they blindly mislead, kinda like what we do to the 'Special Recruits' that wear the vests." Rafeek spoke up cheerfully, "Oh like when we sent Taheem to USO show, and he blew it and himself to Allah!" Ghazzal was pleased replying, "That is it, my child!" I smiled and patted Rafeek on the back as Ghazzal spoke once more. "See boys, some mental illnesses, like the ones that those of in this room have, are very useful and most American's in Wall Street suffer from them. Our jobs are to guide those with the most debilitating and useless mental illness to Allah, much like the US government does." Rafeek and I spoke in tandem, "Now we got it!" Ghazzal said with great love, "Of course you bright boys do, now run along and play with the half-dead infidels!" We screamed with glee and ran off chanting, "Yippee!"
The End
Copyright 2018
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